Living with Kuza
by Darial Goldscythe Kuznetsova
Summary: The Demolition Boys are living with Bryan's headcase bigsister. Contains swearing, thanks to Bryan and his sister Maria. Chapters tweaked a little.
1. Chapter 1

**Living with Kuza**

_Bryan's POV_

"GOOOOOOD MOOOOOORNING SUNSHIIINES!" Yep. That would be my older sister, Maria "Kuza" Kuznetsova. She has a tendency of being obnoxiously loud. Especially when she knows very well that we are up. We being the Demolition Boys. After the Abbey was shut down, Mr. Dickenson or who ever he was, searched our relatives personally. Well, he only found my sister and Tala's mom, who was in Krasnoyarsk and way too busy. Tala was already in bad shape and that didn't help a one bit.

"_Thought you picked up my name but you forgot about my home game,  
Thought your could take me down, sucka take me down now here we go"_**  
**  
Gotta give her one thing. She sure can sing. Duh, she wouldn't be a singer otherwise. Singer known as Kuza. And not as Maria Andreyevna Kuznetsova, 18-year-old headcase looking after her little brother and his friends.

_"Thought you could take me down, whats up you forgot about my old school,  
If you wanna teach me something new you better teach yourself "_

"BRYAN ANDREYEVICH! BREAKFAST!" Sheesh! Does she really have to screech? I have good hearing… And then she just continues singing like she hasn't done anything… I drag myself up and downstairs. Tala sleeps in her bedroom since he is not in shape to wander in the stairs.

_"Thought you picked up my name but you forgot about my home game,  
Thought your could take me down, sucka take me down now here we go_

Thought you could take my group, whats up you forgot about my old school,  
If you wanna teach me something new you better teach yourself "

She can cook, damnit. I think I might be drooling, if the look on Ian's face is any indication. Even her breakfasts are perfect. Man, she shovels the food down and gets up with another plate. Tala's gonna have food too. Dang, I guess I forgot the guy. No wonder they call me cruel…

_"Swing now, Swing low if you wanna Beyblade,  
Swing now, Swing low let it rip, Beyblade!_

Swing now, Swing low never with a beyblader,  
Swing now, Swing low let it rip, Beyblade!

Swing now, Swing low if you wanna Beyblade  
Swing now, Swing low let it rip, Beyblade!

Swing now, Swing low if you wanna Beyblade,  
Swing now, Swing low let it rip, Beyblade!"

She goes to the bathroom. Great. Just as I really needed to go. Not like my room upstairs doesn't have a bathroom. I just don't feel like going up the stairs. Again

_"Thought you picked up my name but you forgot about my home game,  
Thought your could take me down, sucka take me down now here we go_

_Let it rip, Beyblade!"  
_

She yelled those last lines through the door. Crap, she did it on purpose. Great. Anyway, she is a singer, she took this month mostly off just for us. She sings rock-styled songs and she is a kickass. She has an interview today, in one and half hours or so. I take a trip to the loo upstairs and return to downstairs, going to pick up Tala's plate and mug. Tala is forced to stay in bed mostly because Balkov got too carried away with him and now wolf's stomach is practically sewn shut. He can barely get up from the bed by himself. As he sleeps in Maria's bedroom, she sleeps on the couch or occasionally next to him, able to help him right away.

Tala looks at me weirdly. "What?" I ask. He just shrugs and tries to drag himself towards the headboard, wanting to sit up. I help him quickly and carefully, but still he whimpers in pain. When he is settled I hear Maria coming to her room, clad in a bathrobe and toweldrying her hair.

She looks a bit like me. She has some black hair dye, but she has let some lilac undyed. Her eyes are just like mine, light purple. She has three earrings in each ear and a pierced eyebrow. She stands with her back to us and dresses underneath her robe. She takes out some clothes, this time a black top and black and gold jeans. She sure knows how to dress with style. I help her out with the belt, which tends to get stuck with the loops, thanks to the row of spikes.

"Gold and glitter. I think I know what to buy you for Christmas." Tala snorted and again had the weird look on his face. Hmm, was he crushing over my sis? Who is two years older than me and three years older than Tala. She has lots of glitter belts. Glitter belts with spikes. Bracelets with spikes, necklaces with spikes, chokers with spikes… She sure likes spikes. Another scary similarity between us.

I'm wondering, as she puts on some golden makeup and dyes the lilac to gold with spraycolor. I think she might be developing a crush on Tala. Though I guess she tries to hide it or she might feel like a paedophile if she makes the first move. Like that kind of relationships would be alien in Russia. Quite the contrary…

"'K, wish Kuza some luck, boys. She's gonna charm today. And if you all be some goody-two-shoes, I'll bring ya a surprise. A pleasant one", she adds as Spence and Ian meet her at the door. She turns on the TV in the living room; I carry Tala to the sofa.

_"And in an hour, we have the rising star Kuza here with us, stay tuned, folks."_

"I hate those cheery people already…" Tala mutters. He focuses on Kuza's music video shown next. Ringing doorbell disturbs us and with a sigh I get up to answer the door.

"What?" I snap to the weird looking guy who looks more than surprised.

"I-I-I-I I-uh… Is Maria here?" he stammered. I think I'm gonna pop the vein.

"Well, if you had watched the TV this morning, then you wouldn't be here. The answer is no, dude." Yep, definitely gonna pop the vein.

"Oh… When she will r-r-return?" Dang, can't this guy talk? Who the hell he is?

"Like I hinted you earlier, go and watch TV and stop bothering me!" No, I don't wanna throttle this freak.

"What d-d-do you m-m-mean?" There goes the vein…

"STOP STAMMERING AND TAKE A HIKE BEFORE I DO SOMETHING DRASTIC!" I think I hear Tala snickering. This freak-o missed Maria by ten minutes. I hate him already. He looks like he just peed his pants. Ack. I slam the door and swear every obscenity I know very loudly, so he can hear what I think.

"I think Maria will be proud of me. She swears sometimes even more than me. She'd give a sailor run for his money."

"Lovely sister you've got there…" Spence says as I slump next to them, waiting for the interview to begin.


	2. Chapter 2

**Living with Kuza 2**

_Bryan's POV_

I open my eyes as I hear the car door being slammed shut and then some serious string of curses. Dang, I didn't know until this day that my sister was an unofficial master of cussing. Gotta give her that. She yells at someone out there and I see Ian sneaking to the door and peep through the window next to it, as it almost is the only window he can see clearly through.

"That performance was because one weird looking dude. Perhaps the one you yelled at."

Tala stirs but doesn't wake up as she nears the door, yelling. I never knew that you could use the 'motherfucker' that creatively.

"IS IT MOTHERFUCKING ILLEGAL TO LOOK AFTER MY LIL'BRO AND HIS FRIENDS? YOU ARE PATHETIC AND I WOULD NEVER EVER DATE YOU NOW SCRAM BEFORE I DO SOMETHING DRASTIC!" Tala is wide awake now and blinking furiously. I think I'm having a dreamy expression on my face, because Kuza is something I could consider a perfect bigsis. She kicks ass. I know, I'm wearing that expression down but I just can't bloody help it!

"That sounded familiar. Now I'm 100 % certain she -is- your sister. Not that the behaviour and the looks didn't speak volumes…" Tala snorts and I slap him upside the head, careful with his wounds. He has managed to forget his pain for a while.

The front door slams and we turn to see Maria smiling to us like a sun. I sweatdrop. Now she's like nothing happened. BTW… What is that wonderful smell?

"As I think you've been all goody-two-shoes, boys, I brought you something. What? The fact that the house is still standing is the indicator, Ian. Now, let's not let this yummy to cool too much. Spence, help Tala up and into the kitchen. He deserves a lunch with us all after 3 days in that room of mine."

My sister officially spooks me. I think I smell… Something I haven't tasted for over 10 years. I can smell cinnamon. There must be sugar too. They fit together. And there are only two kinds of food which are perfect with those. Since it's not Christmas, it has to be… Apple pie! I'm ready to worship her and sacrifice Ian… Err… Never mind. I was told to cut the violence a bit.

And why Tala is looking at me like that? Aw, hell. I must be drooling or somethin'. Why Maria is hugging me? Oh, yeah. I think I'm crying. I should stop spacing out.

"Bro? It's just an apple pie." It not just an apple pie, sis. You don't understand! Maybe I should say that aloud too…

"Sis, I haven't got apple pie since… Since I was 4 years old I guess. I still remember the smell and all." Now my teammates will keep me as a loser. I cry over a pie. Man, I'm such a…

"Let's make it more memorable then. Come on before it cools too much." She drags me to the kitchen. When did she have time to take it out of the box and all. Spence and Ian… Heck. How long I stood there bawling? I feel like banging my head to the wall right now. But why on earth are they looking at me with… Great. I don't even know the feeling they- whatever. I want pie!

**~some apple pie later~**

"I found some B-class movies. I have a huge box of them. Or would you rather go to bed? Because Beyblading after lunch is not good and besides, if Tala can't 'blade, no-one in this house will until he can pull the ripcord." She shows us a bunch of movies with cheesy covers. I snort and Tala looks away quickly. The FrankenHookers, The Naked Enemy of King Arthur, The Killing Motorcycle, Perverted Winter… OMG… Those movies are B-Classic! They sound something that even the perv, goggle-wearing… Ahem.

"Let's watch 'em. Are you sure Ian is old enough to watch those?" He looks even younger what he is…

"No. All these are NC-17. But so cheesy and weird that only the bad directing can cause nightmares. Well, The Killing Motorcycle is pretty good spooking. At times. If you didn't see all the tricks."

How we all managed to squeeze onto her sofa, is a mystery. Ian actually sits on the armrest. The FrankenHookers was pretty good; the screams of the zombie-like hookers just gave me a headache. Perverted Winter… The movie of my dreams. Whose cell phone is ringing? Wait, only Maria has a cell phone in this house…

She makes a mad dash to the kitchen and picks up.

"Hel- oh, it's you Andrew…"

Andrew is her manager. What I've heard, he's nervous wreck and tries to keep Maria occupied. Fat change, buddy.

"Andrew, are you sure you can hear well? Because I said that I take this month off and if necessary, half of the next too. I need to make up the lost years to my brother. Scram, idiot. I very clearly stated that no concerts for a month!"

She gonna pop the vein soon with this rate. Good job Andrew. Another explosion from the family Kuznetsov… I motion the others to cover their ears. 3… 2… 1…

"ARE YOU MOTHERFUCKING DEAF, MOTHERFUCKER? I SAID DON'T BOOK ANYTHING FOR THIS MONTH!"

I dare to uncover my ears. Something crashes and the hallway mirror shatters. Only the mirror? I guess her punches are not so hard after all. She looks like she is royally pissed. She stalks to the basement and I think it'd be a good moment to help Tala back to bed. Fucking painkillers make the captain sleepy. Well, as long as he's not breathing down my neck and bothering me to practise.

I lean on the railing as I watch her sit there, huddled between the washing machine and the dryer. She's crying, make-up all smeared as she has wiped the tears. I wonder what she feels.

"God I hate him sometimes. I love singing and performing, honestly, Bry. He just sees you and the boys as a hobby. I want to spend time with ya guys, get to know to you. Live here with you until you are fine and settled. Then I'll make you a practise room down here and I dare to leave you here for some time. Don't give me the glare, Bryan. You are not completely cool or ok with the everyday life."

I squat down in front of her. She is right. No-one really understands how we were years ago. Finally deciding to try to cheer her, I reach for her, drag her on her feet and give her an awkward hug. Awkward because her spikes and I haven't exactly hugged anyone before… Scratch that. In 12 years.

"I go to wash up and maybe we could play cards?" I think I'm smiling. It takes time to get used to it. According to Ian my smile is still a bit scary.

"Tala's asleep so we need to be quiet."

"Tell that to Ian."

"Who screamed this morning?"

"Damnit…"


	3. Chapter 3

**Living with Kuza 3**

_(Bryan's POV)_

Eww, shanks… Why Ian suggested strip poker? We are having some hard time not to make much noise. The door leading to Tala's.. err… Maria's bedroom is closed, but still… The Banana Nose is twelve for chrissakes! Yeah. I just lost my tee-shirt. Maria is sitting there without her jeans already. Ian... Still clothes on. Spence has lost his vest. Damn. I'm almost losing.

"What is this? Strip the Kuznetsovs?" Ian snorts at my comment and Maria mutters something.

"What was that?" Ian asks. I wouldn't have done that.

"Motherfuckers…"

Yep. Just as I heard it. Why he didn't pick solitaire? Slap me thrice and hand it to me mama. Solitaire is single player game, smartass…

"Bryan, why you're banging your head to the floor?"

What? I'm doing wha- Ow. Owowowow. She looks at me weirdly. Maybe she is reconsidering of taking me in instead of a mental institute. Well, what I heard the doctors say, that would have been a good idea. Hah. Like Maria isn't mental herself.

**~Five minutes later~**

Shit.

"Bryan, jeans off."

This can't be happening. Maria lost her shirt a minute ago. Wait a minute… She has a tattoo? Unfair!

"Never seen a tattoo before, Bry?"

"I didn't know you have one." There one right there, on her shin. It's…

"A falcon. I took it after your first championship. Now, take the jeans off."

"Yep. This really is the 'Strip the Kuznetsovs'."

"If I'm gonna lose my bra Ian is so going to bed and Spence right after. I ain't taking anything else off, boys."

Seeing my sister almost naked might leave me scarred for life. Like I wasn't already. Then again, Tala might want to see her without… WHAT THE FUCK AM I THINKING?

"I don't want to know what you're thinking…"

Doorbell rings just as I'm about to get my jeans off, Maria and I hurry to get decent and Ian sweeps the cards off the table and stuffs them to the box like a lightning. Maria dresses even faster than Ian gathers the cards and she answers the door.

"ALRIGHT!"

Shit. That can only be Andrew.

"Shut it!" Maria hisses as the blond-haired manager comes in, stomping and almost blowing steam like a Minotaur. And I thought –he- was scary… I think I might hide behind Spencer. Ian, move over.

"WHAT? WHY A-mhpf"

"There is a sleep deprived boy sleeping in the next room. If you wake him, my brother and his friends might kill you. After I'm done with out that is."

Man… That was dripping venom. Andrew paled quite a deal. Tell me about getting a tan… Ian sneaked to peek into Maria's bedroom. He looked upset.

"He's almost awake."

That whisper sounded so loud.

**THUD**

I officially join Kuza-fanclub. She lifted Andrew by the collar and has him pinned against the wall. Somebody get me some popcorn. Thanks Ian. Wherever you got those.

"Andrew… Manager or not, you have screwed up big time now. If good managers wouldn't be hard to get, I'd get you fired. Spencer? You got any clue how to be a manager?"

"I could learn…"

"Andrew, you're fired. Spencer, you're my manager from now on. Congratulations."

The former manager is gaping like a fish.

"He's underage…"

"So what? I can cope with it. Now get out before I skin you alive. And I might enjoy it."

Out like a flash. Maria 100 000 – Andrew -100 000. Sweet.

"I go cook. Anyone hungry? Bryan, go check on Tala if he woke."

How she does that? Ready to maim somebody and a second later she's Miss Sunshine…


	4. Chapter 4 shaving gel

**Harmony -and voices-**, **Twistergirl14** and **Kirsta Isabella**, thank you reviewing. A lot has happened after the last time I wrote something like this, getting engaged being one of them, other being getting a new keyboard that hates me. I'm also a half ready Tala cosplayer. Anyways, here's the part 4.

**Living with Kuza part 4**

_(Bryan's POV)_

Spencer went for a nap; he has been up all night again. So has Maria. She has been teaching Spencer how to be her manager. He deals with it fine. Tala is actually walking on his own now, still sleeping in Maria's room. Ian… Where the hell that midget is anyway? Oh well, less Ian, more peace for me. Maria herself is in the bathroom, I can hear the shower over my videogame. I'm playing Tekken 4 for chrissakes! She doesn't have any shooting games…

"Motherfucking shit!"

Oh hello, dear sister o'mine. Your phone rings.

SMASH

She just threw her fifth cell phone to the wall. This is looking good for the Guinness World Records, ya know. She has some white… foam covering her shins? What the fuck?

"It's called shaving gel, Bryan. You don't need it for years and this is for women anyway", she mutters and slams the door shut. I pause the game just as Bryan Fury was about to beat the hell out the alien guy and sneak behind the bathroom door. I'm having an idea.

"Maria? Is it ok if I come in? I wanna talk with you."

"If you don't wanna see your sister naked, don't."

Err… I might reconsider.

"I was just wondering how much you have that thing…"

"The gel? Whole bottle, why?"

"Just wondering…"

"Come on in. You are plannin' somethin'."

The fuck? Is she a fucking psychic?

"I was just wondering… if I we could shave Spencer's legs while he's sleeping."

She stopped her moving, other leg raised against the tub.

"What the fuck? Where the hell did you get that idea?"

"Just thought…"

"Lemme wash these off after I'm finished and I'm so in. That sounds like a perfect idea. Warn Tala though. Can't have him fall off the bed, do we?"

My sis officially rules. SHE FUCKING OWNS! The gel was pink, but it turned white when touched and after rubbing it on Spencer's bare shins, we shaved his legs, which was quite a task. I think that shaver won't work ever again.

Tala wished to see it but I assured him that he'd see the result pretty soon. And Spence fucking slept through it all! Motherfucker won't sleep ever again.

We sat in the kitchen, drinking hot chocolate when Tala spotted the stammering stalker dude again. That was when it happened.

"WHAT THE FUCK YOU MOTHERFUCKERS!"

Spencer wasn't the one for swearing, but that was fucking priceless. Of course the stalker almost pissed himself and got a heart attack, but Maria and I needed to bolt to the back door and out, leave poor Tala inside. Well, he had nothing to worry as long as he didn't laugh…

"Success!" High five, sis!


	5. Chapter 5 When You're Good to Kuza

**A/N: **Thank you **Silent Pandemonium** and **NejiKoriKaze**. Apparently this wasn't as hidden and forgotten as I thought. The fandom needs more reviewers. You can find my Tala cosplay from YouTube, just write ReKaYuminusKai - Tala is cold, in many ways.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own the Demolition Boys or the song from the movie Chicago.

_Bryan's POV_

I've noticed, that if you are bored, you just need to mention it to Maria and she'll do anything to entertain us. She's a big fan of the musical Chicago and actually auditioned to get to perform as Velma Kelly to the Bolshoy Teatr. She wasn't too happy when she didn't get the role. The director was ready to cast her as Mama Morton, if she wasn't that young. And I thought –I- hold a grudge easily. Wrong-o! She's the new champion in that.

She just went to change her gear, said that she at least tries to entertain us by giving us a little private performance. Ack! That sounds so WRONG! I think we might be getting a piece of Chicago. Kuza style. Spikes and glitters. One day I was surfing the net and discovered almost a perfect match for her. Well, she's said to be Russia's Pink, but you get even bigger kicks out when you compare her to a Japanese guy named Miyavi.

Door slams and the four of us turn toward the door of her room. Holy hell. She looks a bit like a courtesan… In her own way. Not like a cheap slut you see at the dingier parts of Moscow, but like one who demands big bucks. She tinkers something in the corner for a moment.

"Chicago?" Tala is the only one who she convinced to watch it. He seemed to like it. And that made me more than a little worried. He's gay. Gotta be gay. "Bryan? Whacha starin' at?"

"Nothing, Tala… Absolutely nothing." Here we go…

"_Ask any of the chickies in my pen…  
They'll tell you I'm the biggest mother hen…  
I love 'em all and all of them love me…  
Because the system works  
The system called reciprocity..."_

Oh I knew it…

_"Got a little motto  
Always sees me through  
When you're good to Kuza  
Kuza's good to you."_

Wow. She tweaked the lyrics. And note the sarcasm I kinda caught from Tala. Hah! She hit Ian on his nose with that fan! I guess this would work way better if she wasn't my sister… Why she's starin' at me?

_"There's a lot of favors  
I'm prepared to do  
You do one for Kuza  
She'll do one for you."_

Oh… You fucker… I haven't done anything worth scolding! Well, perhaps I hogged the remaining apple pie a month ago, but… And smoked with some random dude I met at the bus stop… Never would have thought she'd actually be in that bus and not driving that Subaru Impreza of hers.

_"They say that life is tit for tat  
And that's the way I live  
So, I deserve a lot of tat  
For what I've got to give"_

Yeah right. I'm still not doing the laundry or washing the dishes!

_"Don't you know that this hand  
Washes that one too  
When you're good to Kuza  
Kuza's good to you!"_

I didn't get it, but by the looks of it, I can relax 'cause neither Tala or Ian got the point in that. Hell, now I'm starting to see what makes her one of the best live performers in the music business in Russia. And she's MY bigsister. Whoops. I hope nobody saw that little fanboy moment there. Damn, freak-o, can't you make anything permanent? No thank you for feelings. At least for these embarrassing kinds. Damnit!

_"If you want my gravy  
Pepper my ragout  
Spice it up for Kuza  
She'll get hot for you!"_

Oh. My. God. I so did not need to see that. At least that explains the few weirdoes she keeps attracting. Like that stuttering dude who pissed himself for real when she once got VERY angry. Outrageous. Hey… Since when I cared? Fucking Christ!

_"When they pass that basket  
Folks contributed to  
You put in for Kuza  
She'll put out for you"_

Spencer looks happy. I guess he got his salary from Maria. I heard she paid him well for the first month of being a manager. He's underage, but he is the one who organizes her stuff. That's Spence for you. The rock.

_"The folks atop the ladder  
Are the ones the world adores  
So boost me up my ladder, Kid  
And I'll boost you up yours"_

Are my eyes deceiving me? Fuck, Tala is actually blushing. But it's not everyday he gets someone's… front… shoved up in his face. Now I'm confused. Does he like Maria? I'm confused… And I don't LIKE being CONFUSED! ACK!

_"Let's all stroke together  
Like the Princeton crew  
When you're strokin' Kuza  
Kuza's strokin' you"_

Well, dunno about that, but I almost had a stroke! Ow my eyes! That feathery fan hit me straight in the eyes! I have no idea what she's doing since I'm rubbing my eyes like no tomorrow. Bitch. That's what she is…

Ah, now I'm starting to see… I hate this…

_"So what's the one conclusion,  
I can bring this number to?  
When you're good to Kuza  
Kuza's good to you!"_

The show ends and we clap. Well, that was entertaining, I give her that. I didn't even yawn.

"That song fits to Queen Latifah far better than you."

Tala… You are officially weird.

"I know. But hey, worth for a shot. Hope it wasn't too bad. I saw you comparing me to her in your head. We are of totally different calibre."

Shit. I guess I'm stuck with that movie for a while… I'm doomed…

"Where did Bryan run to? And why the hell was he screaming like somebody was about to maim him?"

"Not the foggiest idea…"


End file.
